One of the huge habits of Americans today is, "Victim Mentality." Where you feel like the world is against you. Where you cry and whine "Poor Me."
The problem is that this type of thinking creates a self-fulfilling prophecy where bad stuff actually happens. This is because we attract into our lives what we're looking for, and if you're looking to be duped, ditched or deceived, by golly, that's what will happen.
What is Victim Mentality?
Victim Mentality is when a person thinks the world is out to get them, or that nothing ever goes right for them. These people see the world in a skewed way, accentuating the negative instead of the positive. Those with victim mentality have a "poor me" persona and pretend they are helpless against the cold, cruel world.vic·tim [vik-tim]
a person who is deceived or cheated, as by his or her own emotions or ignorance, by the dishonesty of others, or by someone or something else.
You Have a Choice
The truth is, the world is a bad place to those who choose to only see the bad in the world. Even if you were abused and treated badly in the past, today (if you are out of the abusive situation), you are free to stand up and take actions that will change your situation for the better. Even if you've failed time and again, you have the power to make new choices to better yourself for the future. It's not too late to start succeeding.Victim Mentality is Not Always Conscious
One of the interesting things I've found out lately with myself, is that the Victim Mentality can effect you on multiple levels. It's not always obvious to us. Here is a list of ways you can hold the Victim Mentality without realizing it...- I look awful. I never look good in pics. (Poor me)
- Thinking that nothing you do is right on any level (Poor me)
- Thinking no one will like your video, your report, your outfit or whatever.
- I tried before, but I failed. Guess I'll give up. (Poor me.)
- I just don't feel I have anything worthwhile to say. (Poor me.)
- All the good guys are taken. (Poor me.)
- People will always let you down. (Poor me.)
- If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. (Poor me.)
- Nobody ever likes my Facebook posts. (Poor me)
(Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I think I'll just go eat worms!)
Characteristics of Victim Mentality
When someone operates from the perspective of a victim, he or she portrays the following:- Blames others for mistakes.
- Feels sorry for self.
- Plays the martyr.
- Uses past abuse as an excuse not to try.
- Makes excuses for behavior.
- Refuses to acknowledge own power.
- Blind to personal power.
- Sees the world as a place of lack.
- Whiner or Debbie Downer.
- Overly anxious or afraid.
- Negative mindset.
- Acts helpless and powerless.
- Feel like people are out to get you.
- Have a chip on your shoulder.
Payoff to Victim Mentality
Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the nonpharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality.” ~ John W. Gardner
We humans don't do anything for nothing. Behavior is always linked to a payoff. The reason that someone stays in victim mindset (unconsciously, of course) could have something to do with the following reasons:
- When things go wrong, you get attention.
- You may be comfortable the way you are.
- You don't have to reach out and learn new skills.
- You fear changing the way you act and react.
- You fear the unknown aspects of a powerful life.
- You fear success.
- You get a payoff for failing.
- Making better choices requires delayed gratification.
- You are in a habit of thinking like a victim.
- People around you treat you like a victim.
- Playing the victim keeps you from having to think for yourself.
- You don't want to take responsibility for your own life.
- Other people like you to ask them for advice.
- You enjoy wallowing in self-pity.
- You are attracted to mean people who put you down.
- You don't have boundaries to keep you from being victimized.
Behaviors of a Hidden Victim Mentality
- Regularly asking for advice like a helpless child.
- Seeking affirmation from others because you don't feel capable.
- Complaining to others about your "failures."
- Talking about failed scenarios with the same people over and over.
- Expecting yourself to fail.
- Putting up with disrespectful treatment.
Since you are not a helpless victim, you have all the power within yourself to go out there and do whatever it is that you need to do. The world is not lacking in whatever it is that you need. The only one lacking is you--lacking in the decision to stand up, face your self-defeating mentality and to take charge of your life. There is nothing in your way, but you.
Tips for Breaking Victim Mentality
- Change your thoughts to positive, affirming self-talk.
- Understand the payoff of keeping the Victim Mentality.
- Decide if you want your life to change for the better.
- Stand up and take charge of your life.
- Throw away excuses.
- Learn to face your fear and deal with risk of new mindset.
- Recognize behavior patterns that keep you in the Victim Mindset.
- Set boundaries with others who wish to keep you thinking like a victim.
- Continually monitor and access your thinking daily to make sure you're not dressing up for your own pity party.
- If you were abused, deal with your emotions and forgive whoever hurt you.
Don't let the comfortable regions of failure and lack and mediocrity keep you repeating patterns that are not serving you. Get out of your comfort zone. Open your eyes and see the options in your situation. Change your mindset, remove old thoughts and replace with higher, better thoughts of a victor. You can do it!
WE CAN DO IT!!!
How do we handle a friend who has the "victim mentality, relishes the idea that no one, but no one has suffered as much & is suffering because of everyone else, God, exes. I have known her for 10 years, and she has not changed at all. She refuses to do anything that would make things better, from getting herself a job, to changing how she chooses men, (abusive, addicts and alcoholic), insist that is Go's fault because she can't find a man that will take care of her, financially and emotionally and make her happy. Whenever I am with her she sucks the life out of me, like an emotional vampire. I am now seriously detaching myself from her. In re reading what I have written, it just dawn on me that there is no way to do it but just do it, because she is literally making me sick!
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing you can do for another person who has Victim Mentality, however, there is something you can do if you're the one who has it. We can't control others, we can only control ourselves.
ReplyDeleteSome people who have extreme Victim Mentality, and area always trying to get people to take care of them are Narcissists. If that's the case, that's just the way they are.
The important thing to do is to take care of yourself and put up boundaries between yourself and people who take too much from you emotionally. You've got to take care of you, so worrying about her will not benefit you.
I would spend my time around other people who are inclined to improve their lives rather than wallow in misery.
Thanks for your comment!
I agree with you. You said )"however, there is something you can do if you're the one who has it" I assure that I do not have, I am someone who has had many challenges in life and I have learned from them, both my strength and my weekness, and I have sometimes successfully, sometimes no so, to get away from my Savior inclinations, I am almost 72 and want to live my life free from false responsibilities about others. I do thank you for advise, I will make sure that I do as you say. I knew this but I need it to hear from someone who knows about these things. I have a tendency to overcompensate from my abandonment issues by thinking in this case and others that a friend would not abandon them. Faulty thinking and I recognized it,.
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